Hi all back to my posting as usual again... dunno why but feeling no mood the past few weeks... feel lonely & moody that my tears juz started flowing out in the bus & arguments with my best frenz... lucky nobody saw me or else I will feel very awkward... actually I was hoping for someone to chat with me... tot I could look for my friends to chat with but then it seems like either all of them are too busy with their own personal life (but they are not married nor having kids), too tired or need me to tell them directly instead... not that I am demanding or wad... but sometimes I really juz wanna have a chit chat (other than juz go out shopping or relaxing)... but I need to tell them so directly that it makes it feel so... haixz...
I guess only I treat them as a frenz rather than they treat me as one ba... which I hope is not they treat me as their companion only... a companion that when problem happens I am there for them & when is my turn no one is there for me... if it is then it makes wonder what are frenz for... haixz... although we know been frenz for so many years... which makes me feel lonely at times... haixz...
Not only that, I think my fate with Nic has really ended here with a one-sided love... why it has to be happened in this way... he did so much... so much that even my frenz all think so too... the actions that he did & the concern that he showed is way beyond a friendship but till date we are juz a normal close fren... looks like I have to really... totally forget abt him ever since he said he got gf (named is Lixin, a gal that he met online recently)... felt so heartbroken that I really wanted to cry but juz could not...
Even though its not been a week ever since he told me that he has moved on with a gal... but... haixz... so now, since he has moved on... he shall never know my feelings for him & I will also give my blessings to him & his gf... my only wry is what if one day he comes back to me & I am still available? Should I accept him? Should I not accept him even though my feelings are still there? What should I do? What if I can't forget him?
After hearing his response since that day, I decided to move on & forget abt him... thus, I decided to try the gov online chat which is the SDN one (found it in Lee Kuan Yew's trilogy thru a friend referral) to get to make more male frenz... although some are older than me 1-2 yrs, we do not have the fate as we chatted for a few days & den it all went quiet... unlike those guys who are the same age as Nic... haixz... but I make my stand that I would like to go on a slow & stable r/s... reason being I need time to forget Nic... haixz... anyway, the photo that I took with him (shown below) will be forever kept in my storage disk & left untouched till the day we are together... but for now, it will become part of my memories... memories that are buried deep down with my feelings in my storage...
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| Memories of me & Nicholas... |
Well, enf of the sad things... let's share abt the good things instead... had a pre-birthday celebration for my dad yesterday at The Edge @ Pan Pacific Hotel... was given a free bottle of complimentary red wine (can choose either red or white wine) and a whole piece of cake due to my dad birthday... pics are shown below...
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| Birthday dad & cake! |
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| Birthday cake! ;) |
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| Red wine... shiok!!! =) |
Additionally, had some fun over the last weekends with my ITE Higher Nitec frenz... basically it became a gals nite out as the guys backed out last min... haha... enjoyed our time with some pics time (as shown below) & also planned out the next outing date (which is 9 May), either cycling or go Sentosa =)
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| Group photos before eating! =P |
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| Last few snapshots for the day! :) |
Although, I may feel lonely & moody that no one is there for me to comfort me at times... but I do know that I will always be there for my frenz to help them with their problems... as for mine... I think I would rather keep to myself since it has been a habit for me already... truthfully, w/o these bunch of frenz with me for all these years, I might be even lost & dunno where to go one day...
Thus, I will always cherish them & put them in my heart... but my family is still the 1st priority to go... I hope that if one day if my frenz will to read this post, they will not forget me as friend to them... I also hope that if they read this post, pls don't do anything in return for me as I help them is not because of a favour owed & all I need is the appreciation they have in me when I helped them... I dunno how our future is going to be like... but at least this is what I hope my frenz can do for me if one day something bad happens to me... sorry but hope they can understand my feelings... haixz...
Ok, shall stop here now as it is getting late... tmr still have to go work... nitez everyone! Will post again sometimes later! 
