A Late Nite Dinner & Movie Outing With Nic for the 1st Time...

Hi everyone, back for another post after a week from posting... been busy with work lately as I have juz started my new job in a new environment recently and is trying to adapt to it... as for school, I need to get ready to prepare myself for the exams as it is coming up in another few weeks time... really need to aim to pass all my modules from now on as I really want to aim for graduation at the end of the year...

Yesterday, I met Nic for a dinner and movie date at The Cathay @ Dhoby Ghaut after our work ends (after all, we didnt really met up for like 1-2 months after our last outing together)... we had dinner @ Astons and walked around the mall before we watched the Part 2 of the Divergent movie (title: "The Divergent Series - Insurgent") @ 9.25pm which I had booked the tickets according to his schedule and timing a few days ago... overall, I only had two words to describe this movie from Part 1 to Part 2 (as Part 1 I have already watched it with him too) and that is "NICE MOVIE"...

After the movie (which ends abt 11.30-11.55pm), Nic sent me home where during the whole journey we talked abt my frenz, his online chat with gals, my past etc... as usual after he has given up on Christine and started to go online chat with gals again... so far he has chat with 7 gals and out of 7 gals, 3 gals have only decided to be frenz with him due to some secrets like me... and also, apparently he liked one gal from online (name is lixun, age 31) which is younger than him 2 yrs... like the same process, he will show me the photo and asked me abt my opinion and even bought her a LINE Cony toy keychain... my ans is only 3 dots lol but deep down in my heart, I feel envy for her as she is the lucky one... haixz...

Now, I dunno how to describe this feeling of mine... it seems like this feelings keep coming back and forth lol... for e.g. when Nic complimented me yesterday morning, I kept laughing all the way as this is the 1st time a guy ever tell me that he is blessed to have a good friend like me as I have made his life brighter and willing to accept any challenges like a boss when faced with a tiny issue... this made my feelings come back again... I know we are frenz but wad is he trying to imply by saying all this?

Also, throughout the whole outing with him, I realised that he started to show care and concern for me... during the dinner he pulled my chair out so as to let me sit... den when we started chatting on drinking alcohol, he asked me if want to go drinking with him one day...  not only that, when we pass by a shop that sells a cute stuff toy and I liked it, he say that he will buy for me if I like it nxt time lol... I was like speechless but when I hear that, I dunno why but I wanted to try if he is really going to buy a toy for me  one day... this feeling has really touches my heart liao... however, these feelings does not last long...

When we reached at my hse downstairs, we sat at the void deck and chatted for a while... and get to know why our r/s is only frenz... coz is particularly due to the secrets that I have told him in one of the outings earlier... when he told me that, I had mixed feelings about this... first, I was happy that when I asked him, he told me that he has forgotten abt my secrets so he will never leak out to anyone... however, at the same time, I also feeling sad as again, he and me will not have any chance to be together (as a couple) in the future liao...

I guess at this stage, I think I will have to let it go of this r/s totally... since Nic has forgotten abt my secrets and his promises to me... in addition, I think I will not let him know about my feelings towards him and let him moved on to another gal... therefore, from this day onwards, I will only wish him happiness forever and hope he can end up with the gal he liked one day... also, I will only treat him as a good close friend although I know I dun have much friends that can accompany me when I am feeling down (even though Nic mentioned that I can talk to him if I had no one to talk to)... but since I have to let it go, I should not keep on troubling him on small trivial matters...

Well, looks like I really need a longer time to heal this r/s liao... haixz... although we are friends, I really hope that the memories that was created by both of us during this time are kept in my heart forever... and I hope that any future memories created by us are all the good ones (including just 2 of us watching the Divergent series movie from Part 1 all the way till the movie really end)... and also, like I mentioned in my previous post, if he really come back to me one day, I hope I will be able to sort out my feelings and be able to decide by then already...

Ok, gtg liao as I need to get up early later to do my project for Mon's presentation... good night and sweet dreams everyone, I will post again once I have the time again! Btw, below is a pic of my dinner @ Astons! 

Crispy Fried Fish

Finally started my first sushi making! =)

Hi all, bck again for another posting... first, I would like to apologize for this late post as I was quite busy with work, sch projects etc... but, managed to take some time out to make sushi... although it may not seem to be a successful one (pics are below) as the failure rate is 95%... guess it might be the rice as the rice is not fully cooked enough... the rice is still slightly harden and loose when eating it...

Cooling the sushi rice...

Success rate (only 5%) =(

Failure rate (95%) =( =(

However, overall was quite satisfied as this is my first time making it... maybe for the rice I should try to let it cook longer rather than opening the cover to check on the rice from time to time... also, I think I should either cut down on the vinegar amount as the rice has too much vinegar on it thus the sushi taste a bit sour...

Therefore, I decided to make it again in the near future... my next recipe might be making desserts or baking cakes instead (as I have too much cake ingredients but was unable to make it due to time constraints) and need to use it before they expire! Maybe I should bake a cake for my dad on his b'dae as it is coming soon in Apr... hehe, I shall do that then... next plan bake cake for my dad... haha =P

Well, today posting will be a little short as I have posted long ones for my previous 2 posts in the same month... plus tmr I still got work and need to rush off for my project too therefore I will have to keep this post short and sweet! Nitez everyone, sweet dreams to u all! 

Thinking of making sushi for the 1st time today but postpone to tmr instead...

Yo, back for my 2nd posting for this year... was thinking of trying to make sushi for the 1st time today but was postpone to tmr due to project meeting at my place...

Today, as per normal, was a busy day for me as my frenz came over to my place to do project during lunch... did for abt a few hours and realised that we need to wait for other members to finish their parts in order to complete our part or else our rpt might clash with one another's part... thus, I felt wasted as we could not move on with our parts as our group members have not completed her part yet...

Therefore, we ended up watching one episode of Running Man and helping my friend with her Pokemon Nanoblock... by right, I was supposed to be teaching her how to build it but end up we are the ones who built it and give her instead... I have taken pics as shown so free feel to browse them... sry if the pic is a bit blur... haha ...

Anyway, spent hours trying to build the Pokemon Nanoblock (as above) and decided to take a break... whatsapp and chatted with Nic today abt next Fri (20 Mar) nite movie as he will be planning on the location and timing.. actually, we have promised each other quite some time ago that we will catch the Part 2 of the Divergent movie (which is out on next Thu)... however, due to the r/s between me and Nic (as my prev post), we had never really meetup as frequently as compared to last time...

But, what I didn't know and quite happy abt is that he still remember the promises he make to me and kept his word on it... although I know that I should not expect or hope for something out of this movie date on Fri and I know that given our r/s status currently, sometimes I really can't help but to think abt it...

Also, sometimes, it feels so weird if whether Nic knows wad he is doing as I also can't help thinking why some of the things he does is not like a friend style... for e.g. he suddenly ask me out on a weekday evening (as his style is always ask me out on weekends instead of weekends) knowing that both of us working on that day, asking me out on valentine's day when he can ask the other gal that he wants to woo her agn or even when on dutch on meals, he only requested me to pay him $10 max but not to other gals...

I know that he told my niece that we are just frenz and nothing more than that... but sometimes I really want to know what is he trying to do... here say frenz but there are times whereby he did things that are way beyond a friend r/s and this makes me misunderstand his feelings towards me more... sometimes this also makes me feel bad and guilty that he is doing so mch as a friend and I just can't repay back which makes me even feel like pushing him to Christine instead or avoid him...

I also dunno why I would feel this way... is it coz I have already fallen in love with him one-sided? This qn keep popping out in my head a few times before and after each meeting with Nic... sometimes I feel like asking him why is he doing all these to me and for me only but agn, whenever I faced him, I was unable to bring myself to ask him that... thus, I act like we are frenz, always a good close friend to encourage and remind him... 

Maybe, I should continue to maintain like this from now onward (in order not to hurt myself)... and if one day (I mean, if really fated), we end up tgt... I hope that our r/s is always strong and stable but till that day (or if it never come), we can still maintain as a close friend to each other always... haixz...

Anyway, time for me to go and have dinner (ordered McWrap and it just arrived...yipee!!!) and prepared my ingredients for my sushi making tmr... will post agn soon.. Nitez! 

Another 2 years has passed since my last post plus a confession to make...

Hi, I'm back again after 2-3 years since my blog has been in hibernation... well, has been very busy with all the work, studies, personal life etc. during these past 2 years...

Actually, I tot of closing this blog of mine down since I have not been logging in for a very very long time.. but whenever I tot of closing down my blog, I realised that all the hard work that I have done for this blog (for e.g. sourcing and editing the codes for my template, customise my template to look nicer, adding in some widgets here and there...) is not an easy task after all... plus, I also realised that this is what I have been enjoying doing it all along thus I was unable to bring myself to destroy this hard work of mine... therefore, I will not delete it but instead continue to modify and make it into my private blog... 

Actually, I have something to confess... at one of the CNY visiting around 1-2 years ago, my niece had recommended me to go for a matchmaking session with one of her very close male friend (a friend that she had known for years since she was in ITE during her sch days and is also her children's godfather)... this chinese guy (name is "Nicolas" but I addressed him as "Nic") height around 180cm+, working at SP PowerGrid (Kallang branch), income is around average, age is 30+, stays at YCK/AMK area and has a car... he is also the only son in the family thus his parents is a bit on the traditional side...

At first, I didn't really think mch abt the matchmaking session as I tot is juz a normal casual meetup and even if we didn't end up as a couple in the end, at least we still can be frenz and agreed to go and meetup with him... after waiting for quite some time, my niece contacted me and said that the matchmaking session has been arranged and it will be held at Manhatten Fish Market at Plaza Singapura together with my niece, Nic and my niece's parents (coincidentally, they joined in the last min as my niece had gone shopping with her parents and Nic earlier b4 the matchmaking session)...

As usual like all other gals, I was very nervous and shy (maybe coz this is my 1st matchmake session) that I didn't talk mch during the session... but soon after my niece has tried to make the atmosphere not so awkward for both of us, we ended up chatting from things like dramas, animes, pets, hobbies/interests, work/job scope, family background etc... we even shared out our own criteria when finding a partner in a r/s including marriage and family planning (like how many kids we intend to have, what will our plan be like if we have kids etc.) lol...

Ever since after the meetup session, we have been meeting with one another on several occasions (such as movies or dinner dates) and we have get to know each other's character and secrets very well... initially, this r/s has been going well for me until it started to change a yr ago... at 1st, it started with a nightmare that I dreamt that I was kidnapped, gang raped and sexually abused by my ex and ended up coma in a hospital in order to save Nic and my frenz from danger... when I met Nic, I told him about the nightmare and little did I never expect his ans to me was this: 

"Dun worry...as long as you are by my side, I will protect and make sure you will not be harmed... you can trust this on me ok?"

I was totally shocked, stunned and speechless that my mind juz went instantly blank for the next few mins lol!!! So, I pretended that I did not hear that sentence and told him that we are frenz and that he can't always be my side forever (although I dunno why I said this for) and we headed back home instead... also, I told him that to keep this as a secret for me as I dun want everyone around him to know abt this...

On the way home, I kept thinking abt his ans and what he meant by that... although there is an impromptu of  me trying to ask him on a few occasions (after that day incident until today) but I tried to control myself from asking him... on the following outing with Nic, I told him to forget abt the nightmare and he said he can't forget and promised that he won't leak out to anyone (not including my niece) abt this... so, things went back to normal state where we 1st met as frenz until when my last family gathering with my niece, she asked me abt Nic and I asked if Nic had shared anything to her... that was when I realised Nic had not been sharing to anyone (including to his parents and frenz) a single bit of info abt me... not even sharing how he get to know me as his frenz... everything abt me is all so Private and Confidential...

Again, this left me speechless and shell-shocked as I tot he would at least share abt me to his parents... I started to think why is he trying to protect me, my privacy and my life so secretly that he is afraid that letting people know will cause me harm? And, why did he also choose not to tell my niece abt my r/s with him since we are juz frenz? All of these qns came into my mind instantly that I could not even tell my niece the reason too... With that qns in my mind, once again, I felt like wanting to ask and know the truth more and more each day but I kept it in my heart in the end as I could not bear to ask him...

From that day onward, I starting to realise that I might like Nic but I could not bear to say this out face to face to him especially when we meet... things got even worst when there was a time that Nic invited me to his friend's party and we were early... thus, we decided to have coffee break at TCC Cafe at Anchorpoint before heading for the party... during the coffee break, my hp was ringing non-stop (due to the messages from friend abt her r/s problems) and I think Nic knows it and kept reminding me if I want to see my hp 1st... I said dun need as I know who the messages are from and is regarding some r/s problems and told him abt the contents briefly... which the next few actions that Nic did really shocked me and some people in the cafe... 

He told me to call this friend of mine without telling her and asked me to pass him my hp so that he can advise her on how to handle her r/s!!! At 1st, I rejected him by asking if he is kidding only... but what I never expected was that he was serious abt it as he was chasing for me to call... I was too speechless that I secretly whatsapp my close friend to inform her (which shocked her too) and asked her permission immediately... luckily, my friend agreed to talk to him in the end... therefore, I have to say a few things to tell her on this post (as I do not have the courage to tell her face to face till today):

1. SORRY my friend, for shocking you on that call and glad you understand the situation during that time... AND

2. THANK YOU for helping me to have the conversation with Nic during that time or else I really dunno what to do next...

During the call, I juz sat there hearing Nic advising my close friend and kept on laughing and laughing as I really do not how to react in this situation!!! I know I wanted a guy that can do that for me but I hope that guy is my bf or my future husband and yet, Nic (whom we are juz frenz) juz did it w/o 2nd thoughts and this is really OUT OF MY ANTICIPATION in my entire life from a friend... with that for the 3rd time, I was totally not into myself anymore as I am too extreme shocked as I juz could not believe that it has happened right in front of me... 

And coz of this, I started to realise that I and Nic started to grow closer and closer gradually everyday till that I ended up falling in love with him too deeply liao... although I know as time pass by, he has get to know gals (either through online or other matchmaking session) and that he always share it with me and he has never share anything abt me to them at all... which made me felt happy in my heart abt it  but also at the same time, felt jealous when he share abt the gals to me (dunno how and why I got these feelings)...but I choose to hide all these feelings away without letting Nic know as I am too afraid to face the same results from my prev r/s agn...

Honestly, also when he told me that he has liked another gal and wanted to woo her, my heart started to break into pieces that sometimes I blamed myself for pushing him away and letting him go... I really wanted to tell him my real feelings but I do not have the courage to do it and juz pretended that I had no feelings for Nic (including lying and laughing at him when he suspected and asked if I like him)...

Even till today, my feelings for Nic has not being forgotten or changed and I know that even though Nic had someone in his heart (although he tried to woo her and failed but he is not giving up either) and I know that if I continue to have these feelings, I will end up hurting myself more and more each day... but to forget everything that he has done for me and let him go to face this world alone, I really can't force myself to do it... thus, I decided to write it in here and buried it deep inside my heart without Nic knowing it forever... sometimes, I also listen to songs that reminds me of Nic too:

"What can I do to make you mine... falling so hard, so fast this time... what did I say, what did you do... how did I fall in love with Nic" (Song [Chorus]: "How Did I Fall In Love With You - Backstreet Boys")... 

"I tried to go on like I never knew you... I'm awake but my world is half asleep.. .I pray for this heart to be unbroken but without you, Nic,  I'm going to be is incomplete" (Song [Chorus]: "Incomplete - Backstreet Boys")...

Haixz... all I can say to myself is that for our r/s (Nic and me), I only can depend on god... if really not fated to be together, I hope he will never find out abt my feelings forever and that I can move on quickly and always be the happy and cheerful Cherlynn with someone loving me one day... right now, I only want to concentrate on my studies and my career only... my r/s? I think I will juz leave it to fate ba... therefore, all the best for me to achieve my goals (and hopefully my r/s too one day!)... Nitez everyone!