Hi all, back again for posting... but this time round, it is slightly different because it is my first private post ever... recently, I have changed my blog to private reading as there are things that I want to share but not to my close friends or my relatives... sorry, but this secret I have to hide it till the day... this is to promise someone and I also hope that the person will also keep his promise... a promise to Nic that we will not divulge our relationship to any of my friends... even if he knows them... well, it's a long story but I will explain slowly to everyone...
However before I start, I would like to APOLOGISE to all of my friends, family and relatives that I have lied to you and kept all of you from the truth if you ever find out about this... I don't blame all of you for blaming me for not telling out the truth earlier and chose to lie to you... if you are angry or hate me for this, do go ahead as I am prepared for the consequences since the day I chose to stand on Nic side... not because I liked him but I can't bear to tell anyone about this as I know that it will cause a lot of misunderstandings to everyone... thus, I decided to choose this path instead...
Well, this is how it happens... it started a month ago, when me and Nic was out for an outing... as usual, we had our dinner at Group Therapy at Duxton Road... then after the dinner, we went to The Coffee Bean at The Rail Mall hoping to chill out and catch up with each other but realised that it was fully packed with no seats at all... therefore, we decided to go to the Cold Storage there to grab a bottle drink and chill out at my house void deck instead...
The next thing that occurred or happened at the Cold Storage was something that I have dreamt it before and I didn't tell anyone about it as I thought it was just nothing about it... yet, I never expected that it actually become true but not totally as to what I had dreamt it in my dreams... what I had dreamt in my dreams is that Nic and my best friend, Serene know each other through another online dating app that both of them had signed up and we came to know about this only when I introduce Nic to all my friends as my boyfriend...
Yes, it may sounds absurd and crazy as you may think how can a dream come true... but I didn't tell Nic about my dreams recently (after we lost contact for a few months) and plus, I don't even know what app did Serene and Nic used to chat with other parties online as I don't even asked them about this... hence, this shocked him when I showed Nic that day about my conversation with Serene and Xinlin... and told me that he knew her through the dating app... yes, the Serene that I had been friends with for over 10 years! At first, I was hoping that it is not the same girl that I knew but when he decided to showed me the photo and the conversation... my heart sank even deeper and deeper... as I browse through their conversation, I started to think if Nic does not know my friendship with Serene, he might even woo her... this makes me feel very uncomfortable at the same time, envy towards Serene...
Well, this is how it happens... it started a month ago, when me and Nic was out for an outing... as usual, we had our dinner at Group Therapy at Duxton Road... then after the dinner, we went to The Coffee Bean at The Rail Mall hoping to chill out and catch up with each other but realised that it was fully packed with no seats at all... therefore, we decided to go to the Cold Storage there to grab a bottle drink and chill out at my house void deck instead...
The next thing that occurred or happened at the Cold Storage was something that I have dreamt it before and I didn't tell anyone about it as I thought it was just nothing about it... yet, I never expected that it actually become true but not totally as to what I had dreamt it in my dreams... what I had dreamt in my dreams is that Nic and my best friend, Serene know each other through another online dating app that both of them had signed up and we came to know about this only when I introduce Nic to all my friends as my boyfriend...
Yes, it may sounds absurd and crazy as you may think how can a dream come true... but I didn't tell Nic about my dreams recently (after we lost contact for a few months) and plus, I don't even know what app did Serene and Nic used to chat with other parties online as I don't even asked them about this... hence, this shocked him when I showed Nic that day about my conversation with Serene and Xinlin... and told me that he knew her through the dating app... yes, the Serene that I had been friends with for over 10 years! At first, I was hoping that it is not the same girl that I knew but when he decided to showed me the photo and the conversation... my heart sank even deeper and deeper... as I browse through their conversation, I started to think if Nic does not know my friendship with Serene, he might even woo her... this makes me feel very uncomfortable at the same time, envy towards Serene...
However, Nic told me that since Serene and I knew each other as long time friends, he will not go further with her... one thing I asked him that if he didn't know about our friendship, will he woo her eventually... he replied may or may not as the reason he said that Serene is a bit towards the 'high ego' side thus he is worried that he may not be able to handle it well... but now, Nic said that since both of us are friends, he does not want to create any misunderstandings between us and decided that he will not asked her out eventually and will not chat with her often...
Although thinking deep down, I might be happy but then, actually I wasn't as I am too scared that she might feel sad and hurt if she know the truth... especially when I decided to test Serene out and she told me everything about Nic... even send me a pic of him with my cousin... and I realised that she seems to be happy chatting with him which I never seen her for like that for a very long time liao... and because this is the first time I see her like that, I also do not know why I wanted to help her to match-make with Nic even though I am feeling so jealous in my heart... by telling her to reply his messages when she does not know how to reply... yah, Nic also found out that I tried to match-make both of them but I lied to him saying that he was the one who made every girl fall in love with him except for me... truth is, he does not know till now that I still liked him even though he teased me in the Whatsapp that I will like him one day and I replied by saying 'bring it on' because it will not happen to me...
And because of this matter, Nic and me decided not to let the cat out of the bag to anyone including my cousin and my family... also, in order not to create any misunderstandings, he will send me messages or let me know about their chat (which makes me feel weird why is he doing this)... however, I have told him that if he liked Serene, he can woo her by all means as I really don't mind if they ended up together as couple one day... instead, I will be happy for her as a friend as I always wanted to see my friends ended up with a partner before I do (this is the truth from the bottom of my heart)... after all, Nic and me is already impossible to move on to the next stage... but, I have also warned him not to give any hope to Serene or to hurt her if he knows that she is not the type of girl he is looking for... or else he will get it from me... with that, he promised me that he and her is impossible except for being friends due to the reason above and that he will not let anyone knows about my relationship with him which I said do not promise anything about he and Serene yet as we may not know the future in us...
As for me, although I still feel jealous when both of them show me their conversation messages (at times I also test them by asking them and they showed me too)... but judging from their conversation messages, I knew that if there's chance for them, they might even go further and I may feel hurt (as my feelings for him are still there) but happy at the same time... even though I know that if they were to end up together one day, then my friendship with Nic will have to end it... even though we are close friends already... in order not to let my friends misunderstood about Nic and me... but am I ready for that day to come... I am not very sure as I am just too afraid to face it... haixz...
What I really can hope now is that this truth will be forever kept here... I really do not want to face the day when all of us knew about this as I know that once this truth is out, our friendship will be jeopardise as this will creates more misunderstandings and hurt between all of us... therefore, the only way to force myself not to say it out is make this blog private and keep this secret in here forever... as for the other hand, I told Nic that I will not stop his decision regarding about Serene but if he really want to woo her, I will give my utmost blessings to them... hence, I hope that Nic will choose the right decision as I do not want him to let go of this chance just because of my friendship with Serene... at least I think this is what I can do as a friend for both of them... haixz...
Well, got to off to bed now as it is already going to be 3 am... have not recovered from cough (been coughing for the past 3 weeks liao) due to stress as projects and exam are coming up plus busy with work and also settling some friend's issue as they have been on 'cold war' for the past one month... haixz... another long story but I will share it when I have the time again... but for now, it's time for me to sleep first... goodnight!
