Monday, January 04, 2016
Goodbye 2015, welcome 2016! =)
Hohoho... another year has passed and the new year is here once again... has everyone made any new year resolution for this new year, 2016? Well, personally I don't usually make but this year round I decided to have two resolutions... that is to start on my multi-level marketing business (Amway) slowly and to graduate from my degree course by the year 2016...
Well, the past 2015 year has been a lot of learning for me especially towards the year end... in the month of Dec... a lot of the ups and downs such as the unhappiness, sadness, loneliness etc... plus also been very busy with work and personal stuff... that I didn't know it was coming to the year end though...
Although all of us are busy with work and other stuff... I am glad that we still managed to meet up during the last period of the Dec holidays to celebrate the festive season of the month... I have been to many places with friends such as Gardens By The Bay and Universal Studio Singapore (though this is the very 1st time that I have been to these places...pictures are below)...
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| Gardens By The Bay with friends... |
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| Universal Studio Singapore here we come! ;) |
Not only that, I also had some gift exchange with friends over the past few weeks... though they were wrapped poorly but I hope that my friends appreciated and liked the gifts that I bought for them (pictures shown below)...
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Christmas cum Birthday gift for Xinlin...
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Christmas cum Birthday gift for Serene...
Moving on, it is the year 2016 and the first memory that I will have is my very first trip (without parents) on 9-10 Jan at Impian Morib Hotel, located at Pantai Morib, Selangor, Malaysia... I will be setting off on 8 Jan night taking the Grassland coach all the way to my friend's house at Kuala Lumpur and returning on 10 Jan night, again taking the Grassland coach to Singapore... guess will reach Singapore at about 6-7am in the morning on 11 Jan... thus, I have applied leave from work on that day... can't wait to look forward although it is a very short trip... anyway, here's are some pictures of the places of interests that I may be visiting... more pictures will be uploaded once I have come back from my trip...
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Also, for the coming 2016 year, I am planning to travel to Korea with my cousins and friends... now in the planning stage as we are researching and gathering information on the places to go as we are planning to go free and easy... I still miss Korean food especially the Ginseng chicken soup, Bibimbap, Jeju oranges etc... what I missed most is the mini balls ice cream that my family bought it from the vending machine from our previous trip (picture as shown below)... that was the best as we could not find in Singapore anymore... hopefully, we can plan this Korea trip well so that all of us can go and enjoy... at the same time, it won't clash with my school exam dates too...
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Mini ball ice cream...
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Well, I hope that year 2016 will be another exciting year for everyone... with more happiness and good health for everyone too, not just for myself too! Although it might be too late to say this to everyone now but I will still like to wish everyone who are reading this blog here a:
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016, EVERYONE!
With this, I shall stop here for the night and will post again some other time... but, before that, earlier I have left out one more new year resolution for 2016... which is that I hope that I can at least go for one countdown party in this year... it can be either a Chinese New Year countdown party or a countdown party to 2017 with friends or family... but as long as it is a countdown party I would not mind as I have never been one before and hope that I can go for once to have a feel of it... thanks and good night everyone! 
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Time flies fast... 2015 is coming to a year end soon...
Hi everyone, I'm back for another posting again... was not feeling well last week as I got a terrible flu... maybe got it after being caught in the rain in the afternoon 
... however, time really flies as now we are coming towards the end of year 2015... I'm already getting in the mood for the year end celebration... haha! 
I felt glad yesterday as I have managed to finish a 10 km night marathon on 19 Dec at the Orchid Country Club (OCC) 
... by right, I was supposed to go with my friends, Xinlin and Serene but Xinlin has backed out at the very last minute due to a family gathering so only Serene and I went for the run instead... yet, it is a great experience for both of us as we felt accomplished that we have managed to finish the marathon without being the last runner although we have missed the flag-off timing for the run... plus, this is the first time where we get to enjoy the night breeze and the scenery of golf course... oh well, here are some of the pictures that I took after the marathon at the OCC:
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| My Bib Number |
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| Finisher's Medal (front view) |
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| Finisher's Medal (back view) |
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Free voucher given after the free screening of blood pressure & glucose test...
glad that both test results comes out normal for both of us... |
Since after the first marathon (which is the Shape Run held in this Jul 2015), both Serene and me have been registering for few marathons just in order to lose weight... yup, you might say I am crazy as I am not a marathon runner plus I am not registering for competition... but after completing 2 marathons, I just realised that marathons can be quite fun as it makes me to relaxed and enjoy the scenery while I am running... plus, I can get to see the different areas of the whole Singapore view... hehe... 
The past few days both Nic and me was quiet... after we had an argument on Thu before my marathon due to a misunderstanding... hiaxz... I know Nic and me are best of friends and we will never get together... and I know that Jan may have told him that I am naive and not a street-smart person after the incident at the Hai Di Lao restaurant where I know that Nic is tired and have to send us home... but I could not tell anyone that I do not have enough money for cab if not I would not need to trouble Jan to call her hubby... plus, how am I going to explain to my parents that I went back alone in a cab?
Yes, I may be naive and not a street-smart person to many people at times... yet, I do not get it why would need Nic be bother with what Jan says... and because I show more concern to Serene that I told him I have not source for Serene's gift and we ended up arguing on the phone lol... is not I worried that I could not get her a gift but when I didn't ask for help and he volunteered to help me... now, he totally forgot about it and when I have not finished my statement he jumped to conclusion... haixz... I think I should tell this to him:
"Nic, I am not naive that I could not take care of myself... I may not look as brave as what you may think that because there are things I do not want to show or tell... but please, at least let me complete my sentences first next time or ask me if you are unclear before you start jumping to conclusions or screaming at me! Do you know how angry and hurtful to hear this especially when I am working in the office and is sick at the same time?! Yes, my message can be unclear or indirect sometimes but I am sick and may not be able to think through properly during that time... at least asking me would be better than you screaming at me?! 
"
Till today, it makes me mad just thinking about this matter... though I really want to forget but I am not very sure if I can face him again on 28 Dec night as we have agreed to meet to have a gift exchange for Christmas Day... I really hope that I will be able to let go my feelings here and meet him on 28 Dec like as if nothing has happened... I know that this argument may have make the both of us feel uncomfortable to face each other... as this is the first time we also had a very big argument over the phone...
And because of that, I was thinking should I even initiate a clear break after 28 Dec meeting... which means we shall not meet forever unless with Jan around... however, today he called me about 28 Dec outing... guess he might have forgotten about the argument though I know that we are still friends but somehow or rather I find that our conversation seem to be very different... the way we talked and the tone... haixz 
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Well anyway got to go now as later I need to clear my mind to decide if I really want to come back to office and work (due to my executive who is on medical leave )... maybe I might come down if I am able to claim back the half day leave (if not then is no point going back)... guess I need to think through it till tomorrow morning 
... but if I can claim back my leave then I will be going back to office to work and claim my leave on Thu, 24 Dec if possible...
So, I shall not think about it and wait for my manager to revert to me about the leave before I shall give her my decision... as for now, I shall go and get my beauty sleep... goodnight everyone, I will post again some time soon! 
Wednesday, December 09, 2015
Finally the hardest & tedious exam are over...
Yo everyone, back for another posting in my blog again after the long battle with my hardest and tedious exam yesterday... although I know that I may not be able to maintain my A grade but I hope that at least I can pass this module and get over with it as I want to graduate and I know that I cannot afford to fail this module (as I have already failed thrice... which means to say this is my 3rd time re-taking this module)... haixz...
I wanted to post some personal views about what I had felt over the past few weeks but was unable to due to exam preparation... therefore, I thought of posting it down today... this is a secret that I wish to keep it here forever... so, I would like to apologise to all my friends if you happens to read this post one day and please do not bear any feelings to it as I REALLY never had the intention to let you all know about this...
I guessed I was having mixed feelings for the past few weeks... I just realised that friendships are not the same anymore... it's just like everything just change overnight... I do not know if I am either thinking too much or am I being sensitive... but to be honest, yes, I am sensitive and soft-hearted type of person who does not speak out her mind easily thus I am able to sense that everything is not like the good old days in ITE... not sure if all my friends agree with me on this...
The reason why this thought came to my mind is because of an incident... it started when there was an incident that my nitec friends had a big argument over something and both of them had decided to distance themselves since then... although they never said it out loud and told me that nothing happened and that they are fine, I can tell from my feeling that things are not as simple as it was in the past anymore... it's like when I called them out for an outing, instead of 3 pax happily chat and laugh with one another it becomes like only 2 of us are talking and the other either playing her mobile or just keep quiet...
So, I wondered if there's any ways that I can try to bring in all together to close the "quietness" but no matter how hard I tried or used different methods, it does not even seem to work at all... I even tried to put them together to plan for an outing rather than I plan so that they can close up the gap themselves but still no results... hence, I got pissed off one day and just bombarded the 2 of them and what do I get in the end? It's not appreciation but being reproach for not spending a thought for them... if I do not spend a thought for them, I would need to find trouble myself to bother about this incident... I would not even think of how to salvage this friendship... I just feel so hurt when this is what I get in the end for helping them so much for years...
Then, just recently, I had another argument with my nitec friend about an outing... the other nitec friend knew about the argument (as she was in the group chat when we were arguing) and told us to cool down... yup, I may be harsh on this friend when we argued but I am that type of person who wants to get it straight to the point rather than go around a bush or hide it away... after a few weeks has passed and my anger has cooled down, I realised that the group chat was very quiet... so I thought they might be busy as it is the weekdays periods... however, during the weekends, there was no message in the group chat asking if I am alright or any apology messages... not even a message from the other friend to ask if we are alright... I was speechless TOTALLY! it's just like do you even care about me as your friend? do you all even treat me as your friend? this makes me feel so sad that I almost cried...
It's just like the same as my previous incident... when I wanted someone to go out with me (not doing shopping or anything and sit down to be my listening ear), it seems easy to say yes but when comes to action is harder... why? because I just asked them (including my higher nitec ITE friends) out and realised that either no one responded or everyone is busy with their own schedules...
And because of that, the only person that I can turn to is only Nic... but I do not want to create any more misunderstandings and burdens to Nic as I know that he and me are already impossible to be a couple... I do not want to keep on troubling him as we are just purely friends... plus, I REALLY want to forget my feelings to him so I tried not to keep calling him out unless if is with my cousin or like once in a few months outing... that why I will always look for my friends first instead... but they just don't get it... even when I have already explained many times to them... it's tiring to explain and explain again but if I don't explain... will they even care to ask first?
Additionally, I know that as a friend, not everyone can be there for me... I do not expect all my friends to be there 24 hours for me... we are not in a boy-girl relationship but at least I hope my friends can do the same to me... be fair and be more understanding... recently, my higher nitec wanted to meet up for a gathering in Dec... I replied I am alright with other dates in Dec except for some dates (which I have listed in down for them in the group chat)... then, they decided to meet on 22 Dec as most of them are off and free on that day... I responded by saying I could not make it as my godma has just passed away and 22 Dec is her funeral 49th day... at first they didn't replied my message so I just took it that I have already informed them to go ahead without me...
Yet, after a few weeks has passed, one of our higher nitec asking in group chat if Dec gathering is confirmed... and the other responded back stating the rest have not replied... so I thought I have send out stating that I could not make it... but never mind, I informed them again... guess what? one of them responded back like she was pissed off or angry as she start sending message that says if someone ask you out tomorrow and you said you have plans, then the person goes dinner alone... I was shell-shocked that I immediately bombarded her and said is not I do not want to go but I just can't make it because of my godma and her reply was like she knew and I do not have to keep on repeating it... this makes me feel very pissed... and I know that one of our friend was suggesting to have a gathering on any prospective dates in Dec... I didn't say anything about that so why is she kicking a fuss about that message... is there something wrong here?
One thing this friend has been telling me she is not close to the other friend anymore which I find it hard to believe her... especially after this incident happened... if you are not close, why are you kicking up a fuss over a small message when no one has said anything about the message or anything wrong with that friend... and I hope they are not really just using me because when one of my friends posted on group chat if anyone taking part-time degree course, this friend instantly replied my name in the group chat without asking me at all... I was like "what the..." and wanted to ask her privately why put my name without asking me (but didn't have the time to ask her as I was busy at work)?
This made me even angrier with her because she didn't even bother to ask me if it is alright to say my name just like that... is not that I do not want to share to people that I am studying part-time degree course but is depends on the situation and the type of friendship we have for each other... to me, I can share to everyone that I am currently studying part-time degree... but as she ever spare a thought for others... she knows that there are other people who wants to take degree course and there are some who can't afford to take one... by announcing to everyone that I am currently studying degree part-time, how will other people feel? now she tells the group I studying part-time... so everyone start to compare among themselves... which I don't think is good way to start comparing among themselves...
That why I never really share to my friends that I am studying part-time degree course because I do not want people to feel inferior and jealous... that's not I want... but now she said this, I feel even more "paiseh" when we meet as everyone might start talking about the degree course... that why one of my friend advise me to be careful of these friends as they might feel jealous and thus might want to pull me down instead... at first, I do not really agree with her but after the incident on the part-time degree I am actually agreeing with her slowly... haixz,,.
Sometimes, I just wondered why is it so hard for friends to understand me... all I ever wanted was the basic things in friendship... which is trust, respect, understanding and show appreciation for each other... is that really hard to achieve it? if so, why am I able to do it although it took me years to get to understand my friends? I do not need a good advice from my friends (as I know not many of my friends are able to provide me with good ones) but at least be my listening ear for once... not only that, I also want to have some privacy and appreciate if my friends can respect my privacy... it does not mean by sharing to them means I will allow them to share to others... why I share some of my private information to my friends is because I trust them as my friends and I would also want them to respect that trust and not break it... at least inform or ask me first before sharing it... it's not like I will eat them up if they ask me...
Likewise, I do not expect my friends to make promises to me as I do not make them any promises too because I know myself that I may not be able to keep to all promises I made... but I won't stop them... however, I hope they can abide to the promises made rather than to break them... if knowing that they can't make it, at least inform me rather than just do it on their own action without informing...
Lastly, before I would like to end off here, I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM EVERYONE AGAIN THAT THIS IS JUST A OBJECTIVE VIEW OF MY POINT AND IT DOES NOT MEANS ANYTHING AT ALL... thus, we hope to seek everyone's kind understanding in this post and do NOT bear any grudges or feelings as this is just a post for reading purpose only... thanks and will post again next time... goodnight everyone!
Sunday, November 08, 2015
Friends or close friends?
Hi back to my 2nd private post this time again... although it is quite late but suddenly I do not know why I can't get to sleep... not sure is it because I feel stressed & troubled... so ended up chatting with friends and blogging about my troubles...
The past few days life has been going quite unsmoothly for me... firstly, work has been rough as there are many things to do... such as rushing for the retreat which is on 13 Nov as there are many things uncollected yet & still missing of stuff... secondly, my godma has just passed on 3 Nov morning which is sad thus affecting my mood over the past few days... thirdly, my school presentation is on 6 Nov which also happens to be my godma's funeral... luckily, I still have a little bit of time to prepare for my presentation as I can't afford to fail this module because this is the 2nd re-attempt already... however, what makes me feel sad & disappointed the most was my friends... friends that I have treated them as my closest friends... haixz...
Well, it started on 4 Nov when my godma passed away... at about 8am, I have informed my friends that I am rushing to SGH as my godma can't make it... one of them responded back to me to take care of myself while the other didn't replied back... at first, I was very happy and appreciative towards that friend who responded back... however at about 9:30am, when I spread the bad news to them that my godma has passed away peacefully... there was no replies from them at all... not even a condolence message was send to me... initially, I thought they might be busy at work & got no time to see messages therefore I waited till at night to see if they will respond or send at least a condolence message...
However, this is not what I expected... what really happened was that one of my friend actually commented her condolence message on my mum's Facebook about her sister's passing (which is also referred to my godma) a few minutes after my mum posted... it makes me feel so weird & everyone felt strange as they are wondering who is this girl... & the thing is that I have informed through online in the morning why choose to comment on my mum's Facebook instead? Didn't she received or read the online message in the morning? Or she choose not to respond? Then, why respond to my mum's post leh?
Not only that, my other friend also didn't respond or reply back at all on that day... thus, I decided to test their respond by greeting them the next day morning before they start work at 8am... but guessed what, no response from both of them at all on that very day too... not even during lunch break, going home time or even dinner time... until when on 6 Nov afternoon, one of my friend responded back that she was sorry as she was busy during the past few periods... I felt that it was too late as my godma has already been cremated when she replied back... with this, I suddenly thought that they were not very sincere at all... I do not need them to rush down for my godma's funeral wake... but at least I expect a condolence message to me when I send the news... I do not need them to reply during office hours... but during lunch break or dinner time or even when going home, I'm sure they will see their hp & send their condolence messages... is it that hard to send to a friend these 2 words?
This kept me thinking till today... yet, I still can't get the answer... additionally, they should know that since they never sent any condolence messages at least spare a thought for friends... I was too busy juggling between work & my godma's funeral already plus no mood to go plan for outing due to the funeral... yet, no one has confirmed the outing for 8 Nov... & only waiting for me to ask if it is confirmed then start to confirm everything... I don't even managed to rest from 4 Nov all the way till 6 Nov and only managed to sleep on Saturday but they still need me to plan & confirm the outing... my mind is like what do they treat me as? Are they really treating me as friend in the first place? Or they just saying for the sake of saying that I am their closest friend or sister?
Although I am really very tired & sick of all these already but I really can't bear to leave this friendship alone although everyone been telling me not to bother them anymore... but easier said than done... my friendship with these 2 friends has been over 7 years... instead almost for 10 years soon... even if they don't treat me as close friends or understand me but the bond is already there... how can I say just break off this friendship?
Anyway, this is not the first time that they have failed to understand me... but what I feel is that if they ever treat me as their close friend, I think they really need a lot of improvement... at least learn how to understand friends would be a better choice... instead in this world, there are a lot of things that not everything people say means can be done... just like I need someone to accompany me is not have to say it out... if by saying it out can solve the problem then I would not need to ask for accompany to go out... sometimes, people ask for accompany because they want to relax or chill out & do not have any agenda... but to them, is like most outings I would need an agenda... can't be an outing just eat & not doing anything... this is what I meant by accompanying but they just don't get it till I have to be so specific to them... thus leaving me a question in my head... do they really treat this a friendship & is this what they meant by sisters?
Hence, from my godma's funeral, I decided that since only I am making them as my closest friend... I will continue to do that but I will not expect much from them anymore... therefore, ever since my last post incident, I told them not to treat me as sister or close friend as I do not know if I can continue to do that to them anymore... yeah, you can say I may be the bad person here... but from my godma's funeral experience, I know that it hard to get a true friend or a close friend...
I just asked a simple question a few weeks ago... a question that is if one day I asked for their accompany to go out not doing anything will they willingly to... both replied yes... but in reality? After this incident, their actions has just shown me the opposite... yet, when I asked this same question to Nic & even to my higher nitec friend (who we hardly apps) they instantly asked me when want to meet out instead without asking me in details... & this makes me feel so touched as those friends whom I am close with can't even do this...
& because of this, I started to realise that I can't really trust or rely them too much... maybe trust still can but I think some things we should just remain as friends would be better for all 3 of us... though I feel regret that we can't really be a very close friends or sister... but I feel that maybe is a good thing as through my godma's funeral experience, I managed to get see the true reality & colours of these 2 friends...
However, like I said earlier, I will treat everyone as my close friends so no matter what, I will still try my very best to help them as long as they needed my help without anything in return... at least show some appreciation & sincerity to it... just like how I sent my condolences to one of my these 2 friends when her grandfather has passed away recently (even suggesting to go down to the wake to pay respects)... & I hoped that all my friends will not take this friendship as granted as it is... if really one day something bad *touch wood* has happened to me... at least I hoped that they will remember my kindness & help just like how people remember my godma's kindness & help that she has done without any returns... in this way, I will be very grateful & happy that I made the right choice of friends... haixz...
Well, I got to go as it is quite late & plus I am sleepy already... but before I go, I would like to say thank you for those who were there for me earlier... especially for my higher nitec friend who stayed up all night to hear about my troubles & sorry for disturbing her sleep... feeling much better after consoling with her & also to post my troubles on my private blog too... although I may not have close friends but these friends who willing to be there when I need one is already good enough for me... so THANK YOU FOR THESE FRIENDS, YOU ARE THE BEST!!!
With this, I will be going offline for now & will post again whenever I have the time... off to bed now as I am meeting my friends for outing later... goodnight & sleep well everyone... but don't forget to take care of yourself too!
Monday, June 29, 2015
My first private post ever...
Hi all, back again for posting... but this time round, it is slightly different because it is my first private post ever... recently, I have changed my blog to private reading as there are things that I want to share but not to my close friends or my relatives... sorry, but this secret I have to hide it till the day... this is to promise someone and I also hope that the person will also keep his promise... a promise to Nic that we will not divulge our relationship to any of my friends... even if he knows them... well, it's a long story but I will explain slowly to everyone...
However before I start, I would like to APOLOGISE to all of my friends, family and relatives that I have lied to you and kept all of you from the truth if you ever find out about this... I don't blame all of you for blaming me for not telling out the truth earlier and chose to lie to you... if you are angry or hate me for this, do go ahead as I am prepared for the consequences since the day I chose to stand on Nic side... not because I liked him but I can't bear to tell anyone about this as I know that it will cause a lot of misunderstandings to everyone... thus, I decided to choose this path instead...
Well, this is how it happens... it started a month ago, when me and Nic was out for an outing... as usual, we had our dinner at Group Therapy at Duxton Road... then after the dinner, we went to The Coffee Bean at The Rail Mall hoping to chill out and catch up with each other but realised that it was fully packed with no seats at all... therefore, we decided to go to the Cold Storage there to grab a bottle drink and chill out at my house void deck instead...
The next thing that occurred or happened at the Cold Storage was something that I have dreamt it before and I didn't tell anyone about it as I thought it was just nothing about it... yet, I never expected that it actually become true but not totally as to what I had dreamt it in my dreams... what I had dreamt in my dreams is that Nic and my best friend, Serene know each other through another online dating app that both of them had signed up and we came to know about this only when I introduce Nic to all my friends as my boyfriend...
Yes, it may sounds absurd and crazy as you may think how can a dream come true... but I didn't tell Nic about my dreams recently (after we lost contact for a few months) and plus, I don't even know what app did Serene and Nic used to chat with other parties online as I don't even asked them about this... hence, this shocked him when I showed Nic that day about my conversation with Serene and Xinlin... and told me that he knew her through the dating app... yes, the Serene that I had been friends with for over 10 years! At first, I was hoping that it is not the same girl that I knew but when he decided to showed me the photo and the conversation... my heart sank even deeper and deeper... as I browse through their conversation, I started to think if Nic does not know my friendship with Serene, he might even woo her... this makes me feel very uncomfortable at the same time, envy towards Serene...
However, Nic told me that since Serene and I knew each other as long time friends, he will not go further with her... one thing I asked him that if he didn't know about our friendship, will he woo her eventually... he replied may or may not as the reason he said that Serene is a bit towards the 'high ego' side thus he is worried that he may not be able to handle it well... but now, Nic said that since both of us are friends, he does not want to create any misunderstandings between us and decided that he will not asked her out eventually and will not chat with her often...
Although thinking deep down, I might be happy but then, actually I wasn't as I am too scared that she might feel sad and hurt if she know the truth... especially when I decided to test Serene out and she told me everything about Nic... even send me a pic of him with my cousin... and I realised that she seems to be happy chatting with him which I never seen her for like that for a very long time liao... and because this is the first time I see her like that, I also do not know why I wanted to help her to match-make with Nic even though I am feeling so jealous in my heart... by telling her to reply his messages when she does not know how to reply... yah, Nic also found out that I tried to match-make both of them but I lied to him saying that he was the one who made every girl fall in love with him except for me... truth is, he does not know till now that I still liked him even though he teased me in the Whatsapp that I will like him one day and I replied by saying 'bring it on' because it will not happen to me...
And because of this matter, Nic and me decided not to let the cat out of the bag to anyone including my cousin and my family... also, in order not to create any misunderstandings, he will send me messages or let me know about their chat (which makes me feel weird why is he doing this)... however, I have told him that if he liked Serene, he can woo her by all means as I really don't mind if they ended up together as couple one day... instead, I will be happy for her as a friend as I always wanted to see my friends ended up with a partner before I do (this is the truth from the bottom of my heart)... after all, Nic and me is already impossible to move on to the next stage... but, I have also warned him not to give any hope to Serene or to hurt her if he knows that she is not the type of girl he is looking for... or else he will get it from me... with that, he promised me that he and her is impossible except for being friends due to the reason above and that he will not let anyone knows about my relationship with him which I said do not promise anything about he and Serene yet as we may not know the future in us...
As for me, although I still feel jealous when both of them show me their conversation messages (at times I also test them by asking them and they showed me too)... but judging from their conversation messages, I knew that if there's chance for them, they might even go further and I may feel hurt (as my feelings for him are still there) but happy at the same time... even though I know that if they were to end up together one day, then my friendship with Nic will have to end it... even though we are close friends already... in order not to let my friends misunderstood about Nic and me... but am I ready for that day to come... I am not very sure as I am just too afraid to face it... haixz...
What I really can hope now is that this truth will be forever kept here... I really do not want to face the day when all of us knew about this as I know that once this truth is out, our friendship will be jeopardise as this will creates more misunderstandings and hurt between all of us... therefore, the only way to force myself not to say it out is make this blog private and keep this secret in here forever... as for the other hand, I told Nic that I will not stop his decision regarding about Serene but if he really want to woo her, I will give my utmost blessings to them... hence, I hope that Nic will choose the right decision as I do not want him to let go of this chance just because of my friendship with Serene... at least I think this is what I can do as a friend for both of them... haixz...
Well, got to off to bed now as it is already going to be 3 am... have not recovered from cough (been coughing for the past 3 weeks liao) due to stress as projects and exam are coming up plus busy with work and also settling some friend's issue as they have been on 'cold war' for the past one month... haixz... another long story but I will share it when I have the time again... but for now, it's time for me to sleep first... goodnight!
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Feeling lonely & moody the past few days...
Hi all back to my posting as usual again... dunno why but feeling no mood the past few weeks... feel lonely & moody that my tears juz started flowing out in the bus & arguments with my best frenz... lucky nobody saw me or else I will feel very awkward... actually I was hoping for someone to chat with me... tot I could look for my friends to chat with but then it seems like either all of them are too busy with their own personal life (but they are not married nor having kids), too tired or need me to tell them directly instead... not that I am demanding or wad... but sometimes I really juz wanna have a chit chat (other than juz go out shopping or relaxing)... but I need to tell them so directly that it makes it feel so... haixz...
I guess only I treat them as a frenz rather than they treat me as one ba... which I hope is not they treat me as their companion only... a companion that when problem happens I am there for them & when is my turn no one is there for me... if it is then it makes wonder what are frenz for... haixz... although we know been frenz for so many years... which makes me feel lonely at times... haixz...
Not only that, I think my fate with Nic has really ended here with a one-sided love... why it has to be happened in this way... he did so much... so much that even my frenz all think so too... the actions that he did & the concern that he showed is way beyond a friendship but till date we are juz a normal close fren... looks like I have to really... totally forget abt him ever since he said he got gf (named is Lixin, a gal that he met online recently)... felt so heartbroken that I really wanted to cry but juz could not...
Even though its not been a week ever since he told me that he has moved on with a gal... but... haixz... so now, since he has moved on... he shall never know my feelings for him & I will also give my blessings to him & his gf... my only wry is what if one day he comes back to me & I am still available? Should I accept him? Should I not accept him even though my feelings are still there? What should I do? What if I can't forget him?
After hearing his response since that day, I decided to move on & forget abt him... thus, I decided to try the gov online chat which is the SDN one (found it in Lee Kuan Yew's trilogy thru a friend referral) to get to make more male frenz... although some are older than me 1-2 yrs, we do not have the fate as we chatted for a few days & den it all went quiet... unlike those guys who are the same age as Nic... haixz... but I make my stand that I would like to go on a slow & stable r/s... reason being I need time to forget Nic... haixz... anyway, the photo that I took with him (shown below) will be forever kept in my storage disk & left untouched till the day we are together... but for now, it will become part of my memories... memories that are buried deep down with my feelings in my storage...
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Memories of me & Nicholas...
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Well, enf of the sad things... let's share abt the good things instead... had a pre-birthday celebration for my dad yesterday at The Edge @ Pan Pacific Hotel... was given a free bottle of complimentary red wine (can choose either red or white wine) and a whole piece of cake due to my dad birthday... pics are shown below...
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| Birthday dad & cake! |
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| Birthday cake! ;) |
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Red wine... shiok!!! =)
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Additionally, had some fun over the last weekends with my ITE Higher Nitec frenz... basically it became a gals nite out as the guys backed out last min... haha... enjoyed our time with some pics time (as shown below) & also planned out the next outing date (which is 9 May), either cycling or go Sentosa =)
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| Group photos before eating! =P |
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| Last few snapshots for the day! :) |
Although, I may feel lonely & moody that no one is there for me to comfort me at times... but I do know that I will always be there for my frenz to help them with their problems... as for mine... I think I would rather keep to myself since it has been a habit for me already... truthfully, w/o these bunch of frenz with me for all these years, I might be even lost & dunno where to go one day...
Thus, I will always cherish them & put them in my heart... but my family is still the 1st priority to go... I hope that if one day if my frenz will to read this post, they will not forget me as friend to them... I also hope that if they read this post, pls don't do anything in return for me as I help them is not because of a favour owed & all I need is the appreciation they have in me when I helped them... I dunno how our future is going to be like... but at least this is what I hope my frenz can do for me if one day something bad happens to me... sorry but hope they can understand my feelings... haixz...
Ok, shall stop here now as it is getting late... tmr still have to go work... nitez everyone! Will post again sometimes later!
